12I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, 13 though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, 14 and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15 The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. 16But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. 17 To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.
1 Timothy 1:12-17 (ESV)
The apostle Paul was fond of reminiscing on his conversion. In writing to his prodigy-disciple, Timothy, he breaks into praise while remembering the drastic transformation Christ Jesus effected in Him on the road to Damascus. Paul was once a “blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent” to the gospel. He hunted Christians down to imprison them. But God’s mercy took hold of him; Paul met Jesus on a dry desert road, and his life was never the same.
The Hour I First Believed
There is an amazing thought in the old gospel hymn, “Amazing Grace.” In the second stanza, John Newton reflects on the moment God’s grace captivated him completely. He sings:
How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed
Recently, I have been taking time each morning in my prayers to meditate and thank God for the “hour I first believed.” For me, although I grew up in the church and always believed in God, this special hour fell on a brisk weekend in January, 2014, when I went on a weekend retreat at a small youth camp in the rustic town of Stokesdale, North Carolina. Looking back, the Holy Spirit was priming me for this weekend—I had been struggling under the conviction of specific sin patterns in my life that seemed impossible to overcome. I was desperate for anything to set me free from my bondage to shame, guilt, and condemnation. Little did I know, God had prepared this weekend far in advance to open my eyes to the freeing grace found in Christ’s death on my behalf.
On the first night, after a series of four talks on God’s plan in creation, our purpose in knowing Him, and His grace unto sinners, I was ready to receive the last talk of the evening: “Prodigal.” It was probably around 9 o’clock at night (we wouldn’t know because during the weekend we didn’t have access to phones for the purpose of spiritual focus, something we all agreed to before coming). The leaders led us 20 or so guys into the side conference room, which was lined with chairs, and in front of the room there was a podium to the right, and a huge wooden cross propped on stilts to the left. The room was fairly dark, but a light shone on the cross, making it the focus of the room. We all sat and waited. It was dead silent. Finally, a young man entered the room and walked towards the front. I noticed he was one of the youth who was on the weekend with me, which I thought was strange (later did I find out there were youth there who had been before but had returned to serve and give talks throughout the weekend. I returned to this camp several times to give talks after my original weekend.) After an initial pause, the youth spoke, reading these words from Luke 15:
Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.
It was the story of the Prodigal Son. The young man read the entire parable, and then shared his testimony about how he was the young son who had run from the Father. In stuttered yet impassioned words, He explained how Christ’s death was the reason we could return Home to the Father. These verses were the pinnacle of the story:
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
The son, who had squandered the inheritance of his father on prostitutes and wild living, stumbles home to his dad, and with a downcast face, says:
‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.
But the father, with such redeeming words, responds:
Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
The young man giving the talk that night ended with a call to all of us: “Come home.” In that hour, in the dark, staring at the cross, I realized I was this prodigal son, living off the grace that God had granted to me all through my life—yet rebelling against him by the sin I was indulging in. But I knew my estate: my sins left me in a “pig sty” of shame and guilt. I knew I needed to come home, but I didn’t know how.
But here there was grace. I placed myself in this story. And as I stumbled home, the Father saw me and ran. He placed upon me a “ring and a robe.” In story form, this was the gospel: God the Father had done everything for me by sending His own perfect Son, who traded His precious life for me, so that I could return home in forgiveness and redemption. This was grace: that He gave me forgiveness and favor even though I deserved punishment.
That night, the Spirit gripped my heart. I cried endless tears, wrought over the weight of my sin. God was ripping my heart open to receive His grace. He was cleansing me through and through, all with the story of the Prodigal Son. That night, I came home.
We ended the evening by nailing a piece of paper to the wooden cross. On that paper, we wrote the sins we were bringing to the cross to have washed and forgiven. With each pound of the hammer, I thought of Jesus’ suffering for me on that bloody cross. As I walked away, with tears streaming down my face, I knew that Jesus had forgiven me.
Remember That Hour
Even as I type this, I am overwhelmed with the reality of God’s saving power in my life. I cannot deny it. That weekend, He saved me. For the rest of the weekend, we sang lyrics from a popular song at the time called “Redeemed” by the band Big Daddy Weave. I raised my hands in freedom to this chorus:
I am redeemed, You set me free So I'll shake off theses heavy chains And wipe away every stain Now I'm not who I used to be I am redeemed
Jesus had bought me. He had saved me. The Father welcomed me home through Jesus’ gracious gift of his life.
O Christian, do you remember the sweet time of “when you first believed”? Do you remember the most stark manifestations of God’s grace in your life?
I know that not everyone can look back at one moment and remember “getting saved”; for some, faith in Jesus has always seemed natural. And praise God for that! But I do think we can all recall moments in our lives where the gospel of grace moved with such force upon our souls that we couldn’t deny the presence of the Holy Spirit in the moment. And oh!—how sweet it is to remember such times.
The Reason You Received Mercy
We all, like Paul, can now echo these words: “formerly I was.” Why? Because the gospel changes us. “If [you] are in Christ, you are a new creation…the old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Cor 5:17). In Jesus, we are able to bury our old selves through His death, rising with Him in new life—the eternal life that He gives.
It would do us well to remember the miraculous, Spirit-sealed change that God has brought into our lives. He has brought us home, granting us “adoption as sons.” He has cleansed us in full, giving us “redemption through his blood.”
All this, but why?
Paul gives us the answer. God gives us this mercy for so much more than mere salvation. Right after reflecting on his transformation, look what Paul declares as the reason God saved him in verse 16:
But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.
God saved Paul so that he might be an “example” to those who would believe. Paul recognized that God wanted to use his testimony to help others see the “perfect patience” of the Savior. God wants to use us the same.
I think upon my life: how many times I rebelled against the Lord, turning my back on His way. Thousands upon thousands of times, I denied Him. Yet thousands upon thousands of times, He waited. He was so patient with me, not giving me what I deserved. And then in grace He saved me, giving me more than I could’ve ever asked for: freedom from sin and reconciliation with Him.
Like Paul, we too should join in this realization: that God has saved us as “an example” to others. How is your testimony an example of Jesus’ “perfect patience”? What have you been redeemed from? Oh, Christian, how sweet it is to live remembering the precious touch of Jesus upon your life! And how much sweeter it is to use our lives as a testament to His life-changing, soul-saving, freedom-giving grace!
Yes, though “formerly I was _____________, now I have received mercy.” For every believer, that is the roaring refrain. You fill in the blank with your own testimony.
To Him Be the Glory
The end of all this is that we bring glory to the Father. Paul declares in verse 17:
To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.
Why did we receive mercy? For God’s glory. Why were we saved? For God’s glory. We are simply the stage upon which God plays out His “perfect patience.” Each of us is a divine work of art, in which our stories collide with the One True Story: the gospel. I can’t explain how this works: all I know is that God has invaded our stories with the gospel. And I know it to be true.
From now and for eternity, our lives are directed by a new plot: the glory of God. “Forever and ever” to Him be the glory. “Forever and ever,” we live for Him. For every day, we must meditate upon this gospel grace.
Oh, Christian, will you believe this? “Forever and ever,” will you say with me:
“Formerly I was…But I received mercy.”